evaluation... conclusion...

i just want to thank all of you peeps whom has been reading my blog since it began last month. unbelivably, it has reached over 1000 viewers. all of my content in my blog after i have read it myself is actually quite offensive, it shows my unhappiness, my anger, my frustration with some people that i know in school and also the negative side of me. to tell you guys frankly, after i have read my own blog, i found that i am a bit cuckoo at some point. getting angry for nothing. let me tell you guys the truth of my feelings. imagine you guys are being gifted with fighting skills and strength far beyond your own control. plus you train your body and exercise regularly to keep fit and to improve your capablities. now, imagine that they are people whom is not happy with you and they constantly provoke, talking bad things behind your backs and intimidate you by any means possible. now think that you have the power, strength and skill to not only beat them up, but to the extend of killing these people but you are confine with your principles and believe. strike only when being striked. but everyday, there are surely something that disturbs and harrass your peace. if you were me, what would you guys do? feeling stress? depress? no no no. i am not that type of person. i am not going to give up on life just because of these pests. i am a fighter. not only physically, but also mentally. i will fight till the end. but to tell you guys the truth, this thing has actually affected my life as a whole. this things has made me more sensitive, more selfish, more introvert and has made me to make a lot, and i mean a lot of wrong and hurtful decisions in life. both to the people close to me and to myself. i am aware of all this things happening. all the wrong desicion made. even after realising it i still continue to do things that hurts. i always talk about to be myself and to live alone and stuff like that in my blog. please understand that i do this because i am trying to avoid people that is close to me from getting hurt for something they did not do. i am trying to confine myself. i have even put song lyrics saying that i am walking away from troubles not because i am walking away from it, it is actually because i am trying to avoid the one that is close to me from getting hurt again and again. i have ask people that i trust most in my life and i got the advise that i should not mix up my enemy and the ones that are close to me. this is my battle, my fight, my war and i am not going to let the people that i care for suffer for it. i have to face this alone. only then i will be able to define and to be myself. this is my 31 posts and one more thing. my enemies, who are they. let me tell you this for now. these people are the real shrewd, the real actors and the one that play nice infront and play dirty behind. they are humans. boys lah of course. but this is no ordinary warfare. it is more like a phycological warfare. and about the friends not being there for me. hahaha. when i am sick, i always talk trash. i know there are lots of people that care for me. it is just that that day when i cry, i didnt ask for any help from anybody.