what has happen to me!!!!

i don't know why i don't know how... but frankly i can even judge myself that i have changed a lot... ya... changed a lot... i am not talking about my physical self or even myself as a whole... i am talking about my attitude... what the hell happen man??? from the charming guy in secondary school to the jerk of the century... i am very popular with the girls in my secondary school but not in poly why ah??? man... what has happen to muhammad man... i mean me!!! where the hell do i drop my balls ah??? where is the old fun muhammad??? why the attitude man??? where is the happy go lucky muhammad whom every body in secondary school like??? whom in secondary 4 is the super-star of the school...

if you are in my cohort in secondary 4 you should know me... but seriously ah guys... i have change to be the i don't eve know how to describe myself... i know that i have changed but i am still this jerk... why man why??? i think i need some of my secondary school friends to show me back the way... can anybody tell me what i am like last time ah??? i like me last time but not now... i know i have mature but why this attitude???

for god's sake... even my mum, dad and my sister has tell me that i have changed... oh man... i really need to refine myself... maybe one day i will return back to my secondary school and go through back and also ask my teachers and people that i have made friends with in the school like the attendants in the school and ask some of my juniors about me what was i like last time...

i really need to change and refine back my attitude man... i know that i am 18 and i am still finding the best image, attitude and identity that suit me the best for the future but i think my evolution has gone astray... its not that i am losing friends or what, it is because to tell you guys the truth, i am a perfectionist... i love to achieve for perfection... once i target for something i will acheive it no matter what and no matter it will take me time to acheive it... and once people said that i have changed... i need to figure out what has happen to me and i really need to bring the old muhammad back and to let my poly friends to enjoy the old muhammad... but of course i will still refine it... so that it will stay relevent to myself...

because the muhammad last time is too happy go lucky oready until i regret some things that i do in my secondary school... as the saying goes... everything that you do have its advantage and its disadvantage... the old muhammad is a risk taker but not this muhammad... haiya... who says being me is easy... everyday i fight with myself just to make things right but it sometimes turns from bed to worst...

TO BE THE ROCK... I HAVE TO BE MYSELF... I HAVE TO HAVE CONTROL ON MYSELF... because everything i do, even if it is something that i think is good... it could do HARM to others...

for now... the first thing i will do is to pray and to reflect on myself... i can do it... may god bless me... and whatever good i am doing... insyallah... amin...